Many a time have I discussed with someone the value of compromise.  Usually, the feeling is that compromise is necessary for and the cornerstone of a well functioning relationship.

Are you surprised to learn I see it from a different vantage?  Well, here is the thing.  In compromise, you have two people both losing something. 

Wikipedia.org quotes, “In human relationships ‘compromise’ is often said to be an agreement that no party is happy with.”

One compromises on quality, compromises one’s virtue, etcetera, etcetera.

Compromise is effectively a capitulation of ones values or a giving in to get.  It is a lose lose, or at best a zero sum game.  (A zero sum game is where no value is created.  For something/someone to gain, something/someone else must lose.)

Better to find a win win solution.   It often takes more creativity, open mindedness, caring and time to determine a solution in which both parties win;  however, when such a solution is found, true value is created and no one is compromising.

An example of a zero sum game is poker.  For one person to win, someone else must lose.  I was playing poker about 6 months ago, and lost a bit of money.  I walked out not feel so good.  I realized it wasn’t the money I lost that made me feel bad.  It was something else.  Something not satisfying about what I had just gone through.  I realized that if I had won, then I might have felt better.  Then it hit me, for me to have felt better, I would have had to have won, which meant, someone else would have had to have lost.  When I realized that, I realized I could not really feel good about playing poker for money; because, I would not feel good knowing someone else felt bad.  I haven’t played poker for money since.

Now, if one were to play poker for clothes… with one’s lover… this could be a form of win win.  Your clothes come off first, you win, your partner’s clothes come off, you win.  By you, I mean both of you. This is win win.

Win win is good. 

Peace and added value on your journey,

Yucel