Recently, I have had the pleasure and privilege of attending some Al-Anon and  Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings and reading a bit of AA’s basic text “The Big Book,” (BB) .  I see now why some of the people I know who have been in AA I have so much respect for.  Dang if their words don’t sound a whole lot like the wisdom I see in the BB and hear in AA meetings.  And, dang if a lot of what’s in the BB isn’t a whole lot like what I have spent much of the last couple of years learning…

I recall having seen My name Is Bill W. (1989),  the story of the founding of AA starring James Woods and James Garner a few years back during my TV TV TV watching watching watching phase ( http://choose.ws/2009/06/18/what-is-reality/drama-story-truth/feeling-the-drama/yucel/ ).  It was an uplifting movie;  however, I don’t remember giving it much thought beyond perhaps how AA might have seemed part of the transformation process in the life of a loved one who have had issues with alcohol long ago.

Perhaps 20-30 years ago, picked up the BB.  Skimmed it  and put it down due to its emphasis on god as necessary to the transformational 12 step process.  You may have read ( http://choose.ws/about/ ), I have been an atheist for most of my adult life, until early in 2008.  The BB did not resonate with Yucel the atheist.  Still, I thought it might be useful for the weak minded who needed god as a crutch…  Religion is the opiate of the masses and all that… Sound like mirroring, judgement?   Uh-huh…

Yeah, how times change…   Ain’t it great?

Well, now that I have, I think the quote within BB “Why don’t you choose your conception of God?” seems dang brilliant.  And yes, I said dang again.

Greg Baer, who created the “Real Love“, a program which is very minimally spiritual, began much of his transformative process through some substance abuse program, which was probably 12 Step based.  AA is the mother of all the 12 Step programs.    I hear the difference in steps is mostly in the whatcha get over step,  in AA its alcohol.  

Real Love resonated with me so strongly when I approached it, because it was not god centric.  And, I was not ready at that time, in very early 2008, to have a heavily god centric approach.  However, much like a personal story I heard from someone in AA.    Once I started going to Real Love meetings, which were hosted at NVC, my church (NOW its my church)  ( http://www.newvisionaz.org/ ), I decided to put a toe into NVC… and have been going fairly regularly since as part of my spiritual awaking.

In fact, after doing Real Love for a few months, I felt something was missing from Real Love.  Don’t get me wrong.  Real Love is something I still attend fairly regularly and use all the time…  it’s great!   And, it was perfect for me just as it is and was (any more goddy and I would have run away.    And, Real Love opened the door for me to pursue god on my terms in my time).   What was missing from Real Love was the spiritual element.  And in AA, the spiritual element is there in spades. 

Now when I read the BB, or go to an AA meeting, or say The Lord’s Prayer, I am in resonance with it, because I am free to choose my own conception of god.   And, to respect the conception other’s choose for god.  And, to read through the lines of any religious text, and to take the parts that work for me, in the way they work for me.  We each are likewise free.  As it says in the BB, “We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free.” 

I choose this for me.  Will you?

I’m grateful to Bill W. for this program, which helped him, and through his works seems to have propagated its way into my life in myriad meaningful ways, and into the lives of my family and loved ones, and people I have passed on the street or been friends with, often anonymously.

Grateful to be peacefully yours,

Yucel

We have talked about how judgment of others is judgment of self, in the instant (link:  http://choose.ws/2009/06/26/what-is-reality/mirroring/forgiveness/yucel/ ).  So, what if knowing this, we judge others for having judgment?  What does it mean for us then?

We are still judging others, right?

We have also talked about what we see in others we have to work on in ourselves… (link:  http://choose.ws/2009/07/06/what-is-reality/mirroring/as-i-see-it-in-others-i-must-work-on-it-in-me/yucel/ ). 

Therefore, I see that as I judge others for judging, I am judging OTHERS and need to work on judging…  this said, I have judged others recently for being judgmental… I have work to do on me… what work and how exactly,  hmmm?

The journey begins.  I have found that many times, recognizing something, admitting to it, is the first step, often of many steps… on the path to recovery.  So, I know I must work more on this judgment within myself.  Because I am judging myself, even as I judge others for judging.

For me, it doesn’t feel good to judge.  When I judge, I can feel how the taste of the feeling is bad.  At least I know this for sure when I judge something as bad.   I judge it bad, the feeling tastes bad.  Boom.

I have heard that people will judge to put other people into “comfortable” manageable boxes.  Boom, this one is in the bad box.  Boom, this one is in the “X” box, not to be confused with the popular game of the similar name. 

Once in these boxes, a certain comfort is reached.  We can be holier than thou, maybe?   Or what else is the comfort?  Why do we judge?  How does it really serve us?

I know that we need to make choices as a sort of short cut to make daily life manageable.  Every action or inaction is in a way a choice.  This thing is not for me…  I choose this other one.  I prefer it.  Choice seems integral to life.

Discerning what is the right choice for us now seems the path to a more peace filled and happier more fulfilling life.

What happens though when we turn from discernment and choice to judgment?

I believe when we judge and label something we say:  this is bad, this is evil, this is good, when we frame it such, we then move from looking at whether something is for us, choosing or discerning,  to labeling its value, judging.

And, when we make a judgment that devalues something or someone, we devalue and judge ourselves. 

When we value something as good, I get the sense that this too is a slippery slope and is an area where we need to work again on ourselves.  Would appreciate comments with regards to this.  What does it mean to judge something as good?  If as we judge others it shows where we have to work on ourselves, what work must we do on ourselves when we judge something as good?

Back to Michael Jackson,  when we judged him good, how easy was it, and how did our judging Michael, and other celebrities as good, turn into such outrage when we then got glimmers that they were in fact with human frailties?

Having first judged our idols as good, then knowing them human, how did we judge ourselves then in this course?

Peace and growth to us,

Yucel

If the man saying another is evil is judging himself, what does this say about negative political campaigning?  Hmmm?

How much of my mirroring focus lately is influenced by Michael Jackson?  I watched the tape of Reverend Al Sharpton yesterday saying to Michael’s orphans,  “Wasn’t nothin’ strange about your father. … “What was strange was what your father had to deal with.”   I was all there with Reverend Al and am aware not all folk were on that page.   What does this say?

There is a great deal of controversy surrounding Michael.  I choose not to enter into it.  I choose rather to appreciate the gifts which Michael’s art have lavished into my life. 

What do those who say most loudly, “child molester!” in thoughts they share regarding Michael say about themselves?

I’m asking questions.  The depth of the answers lie in how much we believe “What I say or think, I am.”

How much do you believe it?   If you do believe it, how will it flavor how you see judgment from others?  And, how will it impact judgments you make of others?

This is another facet of my recent post on mirroring exploring the concept of what I see in others, I have to work on in me.   Link:  http://choose.ws/2009/07/06/what-is-reality/mirroring/as-i-see-it-in-others-i-must-work-on-it-in-me/yucel/

These stir any thoughts?  Looking forward to hearing them.

Peace and loving thoughts,

Yucel

Ever get all bothered and annoyed and peeved when someone brings up their same old tired been worked on shoulda solved that by now problem yet again?  Whatcha do with that?  What was your first reaction?  How did you end up dealing with it?  What was your attachment to the outcome, if any?

Well, I just had a run in with a case like this, right after I heard my friend Tennie say, “What I see in others are what I have to work on in me,”  during a recent Real Love meeting.  It really helped pivot my thinking and feelings into a positive frame just about as I was going off into the “I can’t believe you want to show me your monkey again” syndrome. 

I was all teed up to have judgement on “someone else’s stuff” and was getting into my back swing, getting ready to grip it and rip it…. when internalizing this phrase allowed me to look into me as to what was “triggered within me,”   How it really was and always is all about me.  

In this case, without getting into specifics, it was probably something like… well, I already know what your issue is… why don’t you go fix it…  not the first time we talked about this… etcetera.

Like we don’t all know what the answer to our issues is.  Study any new age philosophy and the answer is always to be found where?  That’s right, within each of us lie all our answers.  The lie is, that the answers are without, when they are within.

So, I was by judging this other person judging myself.  How often have we known the answer to one of our own problems, and still not gone with the answers we knew?  Guilty as charged…  and yet, it can be so tempting to blame another for knowing or should have been knowing the answer… and to bring us the same problem again and again and again to fix for them…

Well, I guess we cannot fix any problem for anyone else.  However, we can love them where they are stuck.  And, we should notice, if they trigger us, the issue is in us that we are triggered.   That is where the monkey becomes ours.  Where the problem becomes ours.  Not that we have to fix their problem.  That we have to recognize that in being triggered, we have judged ourselves in judging them. 

Gotta have patience and love.  When I changed my perspective to one of patience and love, I felt better, and so did everyone else in the room I think.

What y’all think?

Peace and patience,

Yucel

 

Michael Jackson’s “Man In The Mirror” opens:   “I’m Gonna Make a Change, For Once In My Life, It’s Gonna Feel Real Good, Gonna Make A Difference, Gonna Make It Right . . .”    Having planned to contemplate on and blog on how a superstar functions as our mirror, and conversely how we as a mass audience are mirrors for the superstar and what it means when the superstar checks out with regards to mirroring, you can imagine how I felt, when this Sunday, Reverend Michelle reminded us about “Man In The Mirror.” 

The world is such an attractive mirror that I was surprised, and not surprised.  Synchronicity is an old and welcome friend these days.  I did smile pretty big though…  (Full lyric available at http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/michaeljackson/maninthemirror.html, Rev. Michelle’s sermons are available at http://www.newvisionaz.org )

The lyric Rev. Michelle concentrated on were centered on Jackson’s “I’m Starting With The Man In The Mirror, I’m Asking Him To Change His Ways, And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer, If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place, Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change.”  I had never considered this a spiritual message before, having been an atheist most of my life.  Not sure how Jackson saw it.  Was he taking responsibility?  Was he spiritual? 

I know what I believe now.   I believe Michael saw us all in the mirror.  And, we saw him.  And, I believe, don’t you also, that we collectively must have agreed to let each other go…. Why?

Michael was 50 when he passed.  I am 50.  I recall a summer, back when I was about 14 years old, when we danced endlessly to “Rockin’ Robin.”  I believe I have shared before how when someone we know commits suicide, the mirroring side of this is that somehow, we wanted to kill off that part of ourselves.  What does it mean, when someone has achieved the pinnacle of success, admiration, scorn, what emotion hasn’t been wrapped into our passionate relationship with Jackson… what does it mean for us when he passes on at 50? 

How do you feel we mirror a rock star?  Someone who thrills us with “Thriller.”   How is that our mirror?   Without us, a superstar is just another starving unknown artist.  So what are we to him?  I have more questions than answers on this one and invite all comments.  I believe we mirror.  And, it is a mirror most of us invest a great deal of our lives looking into (how many English speaking people on the planet between the ages of 40-60 haven’t had Michael Jackson music or news directly on the brain, or subconsciously in the atmosphere like on the radio or in the elevator, or been otherwise engaged with Michael for hours and hours and hours of life?  I know I have.  And, he is gone.  Michael is an icon who even in death, we carry with us.  So, is he gone?  Or do we still mirror him after his passing?    

Why did we want him to go?  He was to perform again in July, 09 in London.  What might he have produced, yet again, that the world had never seen the like of?  Neal Armstrong walked on the moon, yet Michael is known for the moon walk.  Those of us old enough, remember the first time seeing the moon walk?  I was amazed.  And, if Michael was my mirror, was he showing me what I could do?  I can moon walk, now, if I think on it.  Thank you Michael.

What were we to Michael, that if we believe we choose our reality, he checked out at so young an age?  When we expand this list to others we have known, like “The Fat Man on Saturday Night Live”  Chris Farley, John Belushi, John Candy, what does this say about us?

Peace be with you,

Yucel