Monthly Archives: October 2009

Don’t regret growth

We all make mistakes.  It’s part of the legacy of being human. Sometimes we even get so caught up in blaming ourselves for “mistakes” that we lose sight of what the past really is – a path to our present self. If you’re caught up in the language and thought process of woulda, coulda, shoulda, it’s time to stop!

Go easy on yourself. Offer yourself the kind of unconditional love you give others, and you’ll be amazed at the healing and empowerment you’ll find.

If that isn’t enough reason for letting go of days (and ways) gone by, here are a few more:

It was right at the time
There may have been a career path you’d have chosen that would have made you a higher earner by now, but you would have missed out on all those adventures that made you you. You might not have stayed in that relationship had you known what you know now – but you didn’t. You knew you needed the love, the safety or the challenges you were getting there. Don’t sell your past self short. We make decisions based on our best guesses at the time. And who knows? Those guesses could have been better for you than you know.

The road not taken isn’t on the map
Do you know why the grass is always greener on the other side? Because we can’t quite make it there from here. You don’t know what would have happened had you made different choices. If you hadn’t called it off with your ex, do you really know that you’d be happy? If you’d left your dead-end job earlier, who’s to say you’d be in your dream job now?

Instead of worrying about what wasn’t (or what you think “should have been”), concentrate on making choices that help you be you who you want to be now. Maybe you wish you hadn’t strayed in your last relationship. Great – don’t do it in this one! But that doesn’t mean you and your ex would have found bliss together. There are unexpected things we cannot control along life’s journey and you can’t know how things “would” have turned out. What we can control is who we are and how we react to the challenges (unexpected and otherwise) that arise. 

Don’t regret growth
So you know now that if you had a do-over, you’d make some different choices. Stop beating yourself up and instead, take that as a measure of success! Look how far you’ve come! If the goal is to one day be wiser than we are, then being wiser than we were is actually an achievement. But that achievement is only possible if you can see a decision or two as a misguided, immature or just plain dumb.

If you can look back on a past you and know you wouldn’t make the same mistakes – different ones, perhaps, but not the same ones – then congratulations! That’s how you know you’re doing it right.

Love

Bill Martuge

How else to fill the Lack which is “Want”?

I am recently fascinated by the lack which is inherent inwant” or “wanting.”  Many self help gurus, programs, well intentioned friends and sales professionals focus squarely on our wants.  This week, we have explored how when we want, we are focused on and creating more lack in our lives through the Law of Attraction ( LOA , The Law).  On the other hand, when we Choose, by our Choice and through our Choosing we fix our Focus; and, through our Focus the Law of Attraction is set in Motion in consciously positive ways.  ( see:  http://choose.ws/2009/10/29/positive-pivots/choose/what-place-do-you-choose-for-want-in-your-life/yucel/ )

A Positive Pivot takes a miscreating thought, word or phrase, for example: “I want you”, or “I miss you” and Pivots to a Positive Conscious Creation as in: “I choose you”, or “I look forward to seeing you.”  ( see also:  http://choose.ws/2009/05/01/positive-pivots/hello-world/yucel/ )

We know that Choice, Choosing, and to Choose are readily available positive pivots we can utilize when we might be tempted to be in want.

It occurs to me that other other positive pivots are also available to replace lack and want in our lives.

Let us explore further, hopefully with your comments and help, how else we are able to divorce ourselves from “want” in our lives.

There are a ready category of synonyms for “Choose” which form a nice starting point.   I have taken some examples of these from an online thesaurus ( see:  http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/choose  )

Some of these seem miscreating:

  • want
  • judge
  • disposed to

These seem to hold promise:

  • decide
  • pick
  • embrace
  • prefer
  • desire
  • like
  • fancy
  • love

Still more are in a gray area and require further thought:

  • adopt
  • select
  • devise
  • design
  • accept
  • name

Now recall we are looking to replace “want” in our lives. 

With this in mind the gray list may work perhaps depending on what our context for the words and thoughts are.   Thus, I feel it requires more thought to freely utilize this gray list.   Perhaps you may help with your comments?

The miscreating list seems to me fairly obvious.  Perhaps you agree?

The list with promise seems to fall into two broad flavors of meanings.

Affection Affinity 

  •  
    • Like
    • Love
    • Fancy
    • Desire
    • Prefer

Mind Made Up

  •  
    • Decide
    • Pick
    • Embrace
    • Choose 

While my thoughts are still developing with regards to this area of replacing want,

Still here is where I am broadly leaning:

  • I feel the Affection/Affinity list helps us to know what we are feeling and leaning towards, that is like or love
  • Once we know this, we can go into a Mind Made Up reality and create consciously with the full force of The Law by deciding or choosing.

An example of this might be when looking at a menu, we go in this way:  “I Fancy a cheeseburger.  Yes, I Pick the cheddar cheeseburger with mushrooms.”

On the other hand, we can also do this in reverse order to get a feel for how we feel about something.  This is because once we decide on something, The Law is set in motion, and we get a better feel for it even before it is fully manifest.

This would go something like this:  “Yes, I Pick the cheddar cheeseburger with mushrooms.”  Then we wait, and notice consiously how this decision feels to us.  If it feels as though we like this idea, we then confirm, “Yes, that is what I Fancy.”  If it feels like we are not pleased with what we have set in motion, we know we can quickly make another decision, so long as the waitress is still hanging around or while it’s just floating in our heads as pure thought.

So, what do you Fancy?

Yours in choice,

Yucel

12 Wonderful Commandments

I am pure love. Love is my essence, it is what arises from me and what is drawn to me. I live in eternity and am protected.

1> Make your mind up to be happy.

Learn to find Pleasure in Simple things.

2> Make the Best of your Circumstances.

No one has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with gladness in their life.

The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears.

3> Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Don’t think that somehow you should be protected from misfortune that befalls other people.

4> You can’t please everyone.

Don’t let criticism worry you.

5> Don’t let your neighbor set your standards.

Be yourself.

6> Do the things you enjoy doing…

But stay out of debt.

7> Never borrow trouble.

Imaginary things are harder to bear than real ones.

8> Since hate poisons the soul, do not cherish jealousy,

Avoid people who make you unhappy.

9> Have many interests.

If you can’t travel, read about new places.

10> Don’t hold postmortems.

Don’t spend your time brooding over sorrows and mistakes.

Don’t be the one who never gets over things.

11> Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself.

12> Keep busy at something.

A busy person never has time to be unhappy.

And don’t forget to always be thankful.

Love,

Bill Martuge

( to view this as contrast, see also:  http://choose.ws/2009/11/03/positive-pivots/law-of-attraction/12-wonderful-instructions/yucel/ , Peace & love, Yucel)

What Place Do You Choose for “Want” in Your Life?

I have had a long and passionate love affair with the word “want” in my life, in my recent spiritual enlightenment journey, and during my long career in sales.  Now I am choosing that “want” and I are taking a break…

Michael Losier’s excellent book, “Law of Attraction,” is subtitled “The Science of Attracting More of What you Want and Less of What You Don’t. 

Losier’s methods include making lists in two columns, one termed  “Contrast – things I don’t like” and another “Clarity – things I like.” 

The “Contrast – things I don’t like” are things in your life you don’t like or wantThe items on the “Clarity – things I like” side are determined by asking “So, what do I want?” with regards to the items on the Contrast side.  Then a strikeout line is written through the contrasting thing/things we didn’t want and we are finally left with our list of wants.  See worksheet:  http://www.lawofattractionbook.com.au/pdfs/Clarity_Thru_Contrast.pdf

Want is a powerful motivator in many sales interactions, think commercials: 

“Do you want a cuter figure?  Do you want to be thinner?  Do you want a four hour erection?”  Etecera, Etecera… 

Want is a term used in many spiritual journeys.  In my Foundations class at New Visions Center, we ask three questions in a iterative series, that is over and over again, to gain clarity regarding our desires:

What do I really want?

What form do I see this taking?

What specific experience do I desire from what I really want?

Recall that spiritual journey is like an onion with an infinite number of layers.  Each of these above listed teachings and tools have served me on my journey.  

The journey however is infinite. 

Last night, I gained clarity on the word “want” and have decided on choosing new tools.

Insight on this decision begins with the definition of “want:”

Want Defined (  as excepted from  http://www.thefreedictionary.com/want )

v. want·ed, want·ing, wants  [from Middle English wanten, to be lacking]

v.tr.  1.a. To desire greatly; wish for: Synonyms at desire.  1.b. To desire (someone to do something):  2. a. To request the presence or assistance of:  2.b. To seek with intent to capture:  3. To have an inclination toward; like:  4. Informal To be obliged (to do something):  5. To be without; lack. See Synonyms at lack.  6. To be in need of; require:

v.intr.  1. To have need:   2. To be destitute or needy.  3. To be disposed; wish:

n.  1. The condition or quality of lacking something usual or necessary:  2. Pressing need; destitution:  3. Something desired:   4. A defect of character; a fault.

Clearly, “want” is a form of defect or lack of what we might like. 

To want something is to acknowledge its lack and through such acknowledgement, via The Law of Attraction ( LOA ), create more lack.  

The way LOA functions is to creates more of whatever we focus on. 

If we thus focus on want or lack, we get more want and or lack.  And so on.

So, now you kinda know where am I going with this?

Want is not as Losier posits clarity. 

Want may be at best a stepping stone on the way to clarity.

Still, “want” itself remains wanting and may itself be a form of contrast, as the term “contrast” is used by Losier to mean “What I don’t want,” in that who sanely desires lack of what is truly liked? 

Losier’s idea of contrast is a key and useful concept because we often have a better idea of our contrasts than we do our lacks (wants). 

Still, these wants themselves are just that, lacks.  And thus wants are not full clarity.

What then if not “want” may be our next step on the path to clarity?

That is, what might be the better question to ask than “What do I want“?  

I like:    What do I CHOOSE?

Easy enough for us to remember if reading this blog choose.ws, right?   Ha!

We always have choice.  

We might thus choose to think and or say:

I choose to have a cheeseburger (I do love them so).

I choose to have love in my life.

I choose to be healthy.

I choose to be thin.

If you have any remaining illusions regarding “want,” try saying the above sentences with “want” in place of “choose.”

Take a moment to feel how  “choose” and “want” vibrate differently in your gut. 

Are you noticing that choosing feels empowered?  

Doesn’t saying “I choose” feel like practically having? 

Notice too, how does saying “I want” feel?

Notice any difference between choosing and wanting? 

Are you noticing the feeling of lack in “want“?

What do you choose?

Yours in choice,

Yucel