Monthly Archives: June 2009

I am Faith in Action!

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I am stepping out in faith by being a doer rather than an observer. My Higher Power gives me unlimited resources of strength, creativity, wisdom, and love. I use these qualities to the fullest extent of my understanding of them. I am faith in action!

I may not be called upon to tackle a challenge every day. But, if the occasion should arise I know that my faith, combined with my creativity will allow me to move that challenge or move around and past it.

I want every word I say and every action I take to flow from my faith in My Higher Power. My prayer is one of thanksgiving.

Thank You, for showing me that my faith is a steppingstone along my way in a fulfilling, fertile and creative life.

Love

Bill Martuge

Desire for Perfect Mate

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Ever hear a friend ask, where have all the nice guys gone?  Or, why can’t I just find a nice girl?   And, how about the nice guy?  He always seems to be complaining that he can’t find a girl who appreciates him.  And so on.    

 
 

There is an excellent book on this topic of nice guys, and why not to be one or date one, by Dr. Robert A. Glover called “No More Mr. Nice Guy,” a must read for nice guys and the girls who say they are looking for one. 

 Glover’s book was  a gift to me by a friend and got me started about a year and a half ago on a path of self and eventually spiritual discovery.  In part anyway, the book applies  to most men and even most women.  

Glover’s gist is, a nice guy is a give to get kind of lover who engages in a kind of love exchange.  They are disingenuous, smarmy and well, nice in the hopes of getting back what they want from the relationship, basically through passive aggression, neediness and collection on the debt obligations of all their nice (read: disingenuous) acts. 
 

Thing is, passive aggression, neediness and being in debt are not that attractive.  Sure, having someone take out the trash and run your errands is nice… but it isn’t attractive.  Nor does it necessarily portend integrity.    In fact, when these things are done for us in order to get something from us, it makes us uncomfortable and increasingly resentful due to the subconscious awareness of our growing debt.

 
There are many many nice guys who end up alone and lonely lamenting how the girls all want the bad boys who don’t treat them well.  The girls they know want to be friends with them and have their cars fixed by them and talk to them about the bad boys they are dating and mad about.  Their female acquaintances wish to be friends, not girlfriends; because, girls are put off romantically by their inherent lack of integrity. 

 

Future blog topics more closely related to Dr. Greg Baer’s excellent “Real Love” books, which address this give to get kind of “love” exchange more directly.   Suffice it to say, it feels good to take what a nice guy will give for a while.  But, we need ever greater and greater amounts of this kind of exchange love.   Over time, its feel good effects become increasingly fleeting.  And, pay back is often uncomfortable.  Greg calls this kind of transactional love exchange, “imitation love,” and posits that most relationships are actually based on this imitation love. 

 So, what do we actually want in the perfect mate then, if not the nice guy, nice girl?

  
Few things: we do not attract what we want, we attract what we are.  To get the perfect mate, we need to become the perfect mate.  Nice guys may be what we want and will get if we are manipulative user ourselves.  If we are a loving person of integrity, we will desire and recieve a mate with integrity.  A person of integrity says no to things.  They make mistakes.  They pass gas after eating beans.  Sure they may take out the trash; but, if they do, they do it for its own sake, or for true loves sake, not to get something back from you later.
  
This is why the bad boy or bad girl is so attractive to us.  There’s a sort of integrity in the fact that these people follow their passions in a more open honest integral way.  This does not mean that self destructive behavior is preferred.  It does mean that genuineness is very very attractive.   Genuineness usually involves people who make choices independently, which are not always choices we would have made.  And, that is kind of fun, attractive even.
 
In a nut shell, to find the perfect mate, we need to become the perfect mate.  The perfect mate will be a perfect mirror of ourselves, and if we are integral, so will they be.  This means they will be true to themselves and will do things for you when they feel them in their heart.
 
Peace and integrity be with you,
Yucel

 

In my case, though not a “Nice Guy” in strict sense of Glover’s definition, more than half the book’s lessons were applicable.

Think about it

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There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She
hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always
there for her. She told her boyfriend, ‘If I could only see
the world, I will marry you.’

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages
came off, she was able to see everything, including her
boyfriend.

He asked her,’ Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?’ The
girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The
sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn’t expected
that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life
led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her
saying: ‘Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before
they were yours, they were mine.’

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who
was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today
before you say an unkind word – Think of someone who can’t
speak.

Before
you complain about the taste of your food – Think of someone
who has nothing to eat.

Before
you complain about your husband or wife – Think of someone
who’s crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today
before you complain about life – Think of someone who went
too early to heaven.

Before
whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who
walks the same distance with their feet.

And when
you are tired and complain about your job – Think of the
unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your
job.

And when
depressing thoughts seem to get you down – Put a smile on
your face and think: you’re alive and still
around.

Feeling Better

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Have you ever found yourself wishing you felt better physically?  Well, making the conscious choice to be healthier is a great step on the path to good health.

When we have our health, we have everything in life.  And, as we exhaust our health, so is our life exhausted also.  It is my belief we create our own reality.  It follows from this belief that it is vital we consciously know health at our core in order to propagate it throughout our being. 

Sometimes we might run into people or engage in behaviors ourselves where, stuck in our story and drama, we share how bad we feel.  Of course, we are always right.  If we say or think we feel bad, we will feel bad or worse, even as we may experience some temporary relief via the sympathy our efforts elicit.  

At a deeper level however, this kind of thought pattern leaves us and the universe looking for ways to miscreate more poor health for us.  Sympathy after all is just another way people feel bad for us.  You see where this leads, yeah?

Better if we choose to concentrate on where we feel well. 

We always feel well on some level.  Paraphrasing Reverend Michael Beckwith’s shapeshifting paradigm, we need to know of a place where we are healthy.   The process is then to creatively shift this healthy energy into areas where we wish to feel increased vitality.

This is of course one method.  Another is to keep our thinking positive when it comes to health.  For instance, if one is trying to lose weight or quit smoking, every time our eager friends ask us about our diet or how long it has been since our last cigarette, we start creating thoughts about eating or another smoke. 

Better to concentrate instead on health and healthy choices.  So if asked about how our diet or the quitting of habits, try thinking and responding like this:    I decided for the last two weeks to live a healthier life, and have been doing much better at it, thank you for inquiring. 

It is much easier to choose among healthier items on a menu or to engage in the healthier of activities options than to quit a habit.  For instance, one may easily choose between the healthier of a 3/4 lb cheese burger or a fresh garden salad.    We do all things in the present.  Thus, we make all choices in the present.   To choose to eat 2000 calories a day is much tougher to keep track of than to choose to engage in healthy activities and dietary habits on a case by case basis, in the present.  It is particularly difficult to keep to 2000 calories when we keep counting the calories.  We basically obsess on food on an average diet.  How much did I eat?  What can I eat?  When am I going to eat?  Eat… eat… eat….  Usually, its all about food. 

How to be moderate about something we obsess over?  Make healthy choices on a case by case basis in the moment.   

Any choice is much more easily made, in a healthy way in the moment.

Peace and healthy choices,

Yucel

I Let Go and Let My Higher Power into My Life.

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I choose the path of peace by choosing to let go and let God. As I release concern, I open the way for My Higher Power to do what He does best through me. Express unconditional love and acceptance. I have faith in Him, and that faith is based on a lifetime of receiving the love and blessings of my Creator.

How I deal with difficult situations or confrontations is up to me. From experience, I know that my choice whether to react with anger or with understanding has a great impact on the quality of my life. My choices can and do affect me physically and emotionally.

He knows and prepares me for the right outcome in all situations. So today and every day, at all times and in all ways, I choose to let go of worry and let My Higher Power into my life.

Love

Bill Martuge